It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
