You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
