By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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