i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize