Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
