When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
