just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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