addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize