obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
