look no pants
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
