it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
