Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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