i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
