I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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