he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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