so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize