you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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