the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
