at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
