shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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