...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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