i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
