I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
