And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
