He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
