Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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