So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
