Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
