My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
