The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
