I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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