it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
