I am spending my child support on dildos
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
