my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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