I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
