Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
