i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
