what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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