We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
