Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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