i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
