Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
