How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
