That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
