Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
