I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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