There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
