he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
