I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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