Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
