i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
