cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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