Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
