She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
