I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
