what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
