the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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