I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
