Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
