Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sext me about skeletons
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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