i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
