boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
