His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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