i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
