"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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