sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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