I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize