Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
