Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
