My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
