I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
