I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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