It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
