He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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