i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
