I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
