We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
