My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
