girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
jump out the window naked night went bad
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
