Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
smell my finger.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
