So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
