I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this just has baby written all over it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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