i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
