Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
