I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
