does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
