why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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