yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
