Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
