is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
