Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
