no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
