in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
