11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize