I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we're so committed to being not committed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
