You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
