Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
