Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize