So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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