it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
