I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize