The maid of honor just puked.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
