how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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