There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
