You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
